When Shadows Visit
by R.C. Cummings
Summary: Emily has a lot to think about on the plane ride back home to London after coming home to capture a copy cat unsub. What will click in her when the flash backs of the shadows visit occur? (This is a sequel to Whispers of Wind)
1. Chapter 1

***Okay as always I own nothing of Criminal minds I just get the privilege of playing with the characters for a while.**

Emily was on the flight back to London looking out over the miles of water. The very water she used as a barrier from the shadows of love that her heart begged her to allow to come alive.

She and JJ would allow them to come alive on certain occasions in the past when reality of human cruelty was just unbearable. What drove them to chase murders day in and day out? She often wondered if something inside her was broken that kept the desire going. JJ on the other hand was focused on the greater good. The great good that she never had seen in anyone except her team and especially JJ.

She continued to search the hollowness of the vast space of water and horizon before her for the answer to emptiness. She had put hands on the warmth of the shadows again and now they would torment her for months.

The words, "I knew you would come," haunted her being. She smiled knowing how true that statement was. She would always be the shadow that visited when JJ needed them. There were all kinds of titles and terminologies for that behavior and none of them with good definitions. She decided that the people that made them up lived inside a book or computer screen because none of the terms came close to expressing the atmospheres around the shadows.

How could you even begin to describe to someone that when you walk in the same room how your soul wants to expel itself from your body when the mind holds it in place away from that person? Yet… when your apart you can still feel the finger prints left by soft touches.

She had become cold while daydreaming out the window. She stood and put her jacket back on and stuck her hands into the pockets to warm them. That's when she felt the neatly folded note.

 _Lover you came once again to my rescue and as the times before you vanished away. I wish for once you would remain until fate finishes our play. I guess you are just a vampire sucking up desire and lust. Only to leave before the light of day afraid the mere brightness of love might turn you into dust._

 _Come out of the shadows Em. I'm right here waiting for you just beyond that horizon you always ask answers of._

 _Love Jennifer_

Emily looked out the plane's window again with tears in her eyes and realized she was looking at the wrong horizon. For love was behind her and emptiness before her. What was she to do now. She folded the note back and placed it into her pocket.

She wasn't for sure about anyone thing at the moment. But one thing was for sure the plane ride just seemed to become a lot longer and it had just taken off only an hour before.

* * *

 **This will be just a few chapters I think. Still working on the others promise. It seems I write better if I have two or three going at once. :P**


	2. Chapter 2

***Okay as always I own nothing of Criminal minds I just get the privilege of playing with the characters for a while.**

It seemed that eight hours and twenty five minutes were now going to be years of review of longing and the painful sting of "you could have had." She settled back against the glass of the window and resigned herself to the flood of memories.

"Emily..."

"Yeah?"

"How come none of this gets to you?" JJ said in the bathroom of the Hankel house after shooting the dogs in the barn.

The first meaningful exchange of words that led to her spending the weekend with the younger agent helping her through the night terrors of dogs growling and running at her. The team had landed in D.C. and debriefed in the conference room. She could see the wild look of forever being changed in JJ's eyes. She understood that look all to well. "JJ you want to come over for a few drinks?" She had asked innocently wanting to comfort the woman by giving her an ear to vent in if she needed it.

"No...I'll be okay Emily but thank you." JJ had said bravely but had the "please insist" look on her face.

"JJ it was a tough case and I would love some company tonight but do not want a bar or a team bonding moment." She knew that would persuade the woman.

"In that case I'm in." She said with a thankful smile.

They walked into her condo, "You can go on into the living room. I'm going to deactivate the alarm and put my go bag in the bed room." She said as she noticed the woman just standing there frozen. She quickly turned the alarm off while dropping her bag where she stood and came to the shivering woman before her.

"I've never killed more than a fly in my life... you train with paper but paper doesn't bleed..." was said into her shoulders as the woman sobbed and crumbled into her. That was the first time the shadows called to her from her heart. Here she was listening to JJ's confession and yet the whole time she was saying in her mind, "they train you to be emotional neutral. Never show what you think or feel and here in your arms is this woman engulfing you into the shadows of wanting to love."

Emily came back to the present moment and stretched asking the question in a whisper, "Who's the vampire really JJ...you or me? You bit me that day and sucked all the buried desires and longings to the surface in a fleeting moment." Sighing she resumed her past position against the glass.

"Shhh... I got you. It will be okay." She said pulling the woman tighter into herself. After what seemed forever JJ stopped crying and started to laugh. She pulled back looking at the woman like she had lost it.

"I'm so sorry Emily but I gave your shoulder a tear shower." She said pointing to her shirt that was soaked.

"It's okay... you feel better?"

"I feel embarrassed."

"Why?"

"Well I just fell apart in front of the woman I admire the most for her strength."

"JJ..." She paused and lifted the woman's chin up so she could see the truth in what she was about to say, "Do not take the lack of tears for strength. I wish sometimes that I could release things pinned up inside me but it's just not how I'm wired." She said not understanding how JJ had gotten her to confess her big secret so easily.

JJ noticed Emily seemed to feel exposed and realized she had been entrusted with a piece of the woman that no one else had ever seen. She lifted up her hand and cupped the woman's cheek, "Don't worry your secret is safe with me," She said and half smiled.

"Do you want some wine?" Emily asked needing the connection to end or she was going to melt into the tender hand holding her face.

JJ smiled, "I would love some." Emily was grateful the answer was yes and walked past her forgetting the bag she had left on the floor behind her. "Red or White?"

"Whatever you are having will be fine." JJ answered as she walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. She began looking around at the woman's décor trying to get a sense of what Emily was into.

"I'm not up on the latest in modern décor but it's home." Emily said noticing the woman looking around.

"It's nice. I still have mix and match furniture. I've bought new but there are pieces I had in college that are so comfortable that I just can't seem to get rid of them."

"I learned not to get attached to things because they always got left behind when we would go to another country." JJ looked at her puzzled at the statement, "My mom was an American Ambassador and we moved a lot when I was a kid."

"Oh..." She said as another piece of the puzzle was revealed.

Emily poured the wine while chiding herself, "Damn how does she do that? She needs to be a spy, she's amazing at getting secrets but I never want her to be one. Wait...Why?" She was lost in her thoughts.

"Em..." No answer, "Emily?"

"Hum...oh sorry." She said and took the woman her wine, "I got lost in nostalgia for a moment...I guess." JJ wasn't convinced by her answer as Emily sat down on the opposite end of the couch.

"Why are you sitting way down there?"

"What?" Emily said looking at where she was sitting.

"You are so far away from me. Did I..." She stopped feeling stupid, "...never mind." Emily realized what was going on that JJ needed her closer and moved sitting beside her. She placed her and JJ's wine on the table then pulled the silently pleading woman into her arms. She was surprised when JJ placed her head under her chin causing her face to touch the skin on her chest. She could feel the warm tears running down the front of her shirt. That's when she knew she would never be the same. They both had been changed forever by the Hankel case. Time would only tell if it was for the better.

She held the woman for an hour, "JJ do you want to stay here tonight?" She asked the question that was never asked of anyone. Not lovers or one night stands...No one ever was allowed to stay the night. The night belonged to the remnants of the true Emily that was left in her and now this woman had even seeped into that space.

"Please...I do not want to be alone tonight." She answered and started shivering again.

"Shhh...I got you." She said and pulled her in tighter for a few more moments, "Would you like to get your go bag and take a hot bath while I make us some dinner?" The woman shook her head yes. "Okay...go get your bag and I will start your bath for you."

JJ stood up and started to go and get her bag but stopped and walked back over to Emily and hugged her, "Thank you."

"Your very welcome." She said and kissed the woman's head.

She pulled out of the memory for a moment. She realized that she had brought her fingers to her lips. They were tingling like they did when they touched JJ's hair. "God how can anyone become so part of you emotional DNA?" She wondered and glanced back out the window. She smile thinking the none stop blue was the perfect back drop for the film of her life that was playing then she went back into the show.

They had eaten spaghetti that Emily had frozen the week before knowing she could be called away at any moment. "This is really good Em. You are a woman of many talents."

"I'm not so sure about that but thank you." She said smiling. "JJ..." She paused taking a deep breath, "I want you to stay but I have to tell you I only have one bed. I'm willing to sleep on the couch if that makes you uncomfortable." She said getting the hardest words out of her mouth ever. She didn't want to sleep on the couch. She wanted to hold the woman every moment of the night.

"I would never take your bed without you in it with me," was said with other words that Emily missed because she was stuck on the "..never take your bed without you in it with me" part.

"Em..." No answer, "Emily..."

"Hum...Oh...sorry. I must be tired myself because I'm zoning out. What did you say after you would never take my bed."

"I said let's clean up and go to sleep. I'm really tired." She said getting up and taking her plate and Emily's to the sink.

They went up stairs and Emily decided to take a shower but told JJ to crawl in the bed and she would be right there and hold her. In the shower she had to clear her thoughts and re-box her emotions. She turned the water to cold for a few moments just to ensure everything got placed back in it's proper place. She finished her routine and walked into the bedroom where JJ was holding her pillow tightly but starring out into the room.

She slid into the bed and into the curves of the woman then leaned over, "May I have the pillow?"

JJ turned into Emily so quickly that she ended up on her back with the woman on top of her. Not that she minded at all but it stunned her. She looked up into wild blue eyes that were tear stained. "JJ...honey it's me Emily." She said softly testing the waters.

"I know that." She said and leaned down and caught her lips in a searing kiss that took Emily's breath away.

"JJ..." She said panting when they finally parted.

"Shhh... please Em hold me. I'm so cold but you warm me. Breathe into me life with your kisses."

Emily came back to the moment smiling at the thought of holding JJ and making out all night. She looked at her watch, "Only two and a half hours down six left to go." She said to the air as she got up to go to the restroom.

* * *

 **Six more hours for the Shadows to persuaded Emily of what she truly needs. :)**


	3. Chapter 3

***Okay as always I own nothing of Criminal minds I just get the privilege of playing with the characters for a while.**

Emily came back to her seat after stretching her legs and emptying her bladder. She found that her seat had barely cooled from her absence just like her memories were still warm and in full motion in her head. She settled back into her favorite position with her head against the window and eyes straight looking into the horizon as it was or was it a TV screen with "This is Your Life Emily Prentiss" playing. Whatever it was the show was beginning again.

"I think it's a good idea though." JJ said looking at Emily who was sitting across from her before the jet took off from Denver.

"What's that?"

"You...kids...I can see it."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Was the last thing the two of them said to each other until Emily saw JJ waiting on her as she pulled into the parking lot of her condo after the team debriefing.

"What brings me the pleasure of seeing you so soon?" Emily asked with a knowing smile.

"Well...I thought you could use some company tonight." The woman said smiling pulling out her go bag.

"Not that I wouldn't like the company... but I'm fine JJ." She said trying to pass off her disappointment of not being able to bring the young girl home that had lost her whole family.

"I know you are but maybe I'm in need of the company?" She twisted it so Emily wouldn't feel exposed and might let her stay.

"Well in that case who am I to deny being said company." She said with a smile as she got her go bag and they headed toward her building.

Once inside Emily went through the normal routine of turning off the alarm and actually getting both their bags into her bedroom this time as JJ made her way into the kitchen to open a bottle of wine. She also took a moment and pulled the Thai menu from Emily's refrigerator and ordered their favorite foods. They hadn't eaten since early that morning and she was starving and imagined that Emily was too. The brunette made it into the living room about the time the call was ending to the restaurant.

"Who was that?"

"Oh...I ordered food."

"God...I could kiss you right now." Emily said smiling at her.

"I think that would be a very nice thank you." She said as she came and slipped into Emily's arms easily.

This was the first time since the Hankel case that they had been that intimate with each other. Emily looked into blue eyes that wasn't giving any amount of resistance and joined her lips to the soft velvety ones in front of her. She found herself pulling JJ closer into herself even after the kiss ended. She held her like her life was dependent on the connection.

"I got you Em... I got you." JJ said sensing the pain and need in the woman holding her.

Emily couldn't even begin to voice the emotions flowing through her body at the moment. There was guilt, longing, desire, shame and several other things she didn't have names for. She couldn't express the need or want to be a mother to JJ after the whole abortion thing at fifteen. What she had told Hotch when he told her that he needed to know she could be objective, "I need to know I can be human," was the truth. Moments of feeling like a monster still haunted her even though she really felt she didn't have a choice. But holding JJ at that moment made her feel totally human and the warmth penetrating her body was like water to a drought stricken land.

Emily shook her head and came back to the present wiping at the tears that had escaped her defenses. She pulled the letter back out and just rubbed it with her free hand thinking that this journey into the past was starting to hurt a lot. She could hear JJ's voice saying, " _Come out of the shadows Em. I'm right here waiting for you just beyond that horizon you always ask answers of."_

"I want to Jay but coming out of the shadows is blinding my love and hurts," was whispered under her breath as she went back into the show.

The food being delivered stopped the thirty minute holding fest. They ate and drank while sitting next to each other on the couch laughing and chatting about anything other than the case. JJ knew that they were skirting the issue and tried breaking the ice "Em..."

"Yeah?"

"You know you can talk to me right?"

"I know... I just...grief just needs an audience sometimes is all I can say." She said hanging her head and looking into her wine glass for an escape of the exposure she felt.

"I get that. But when you need a talking audience I'm here for you." She said lifting the woman's chin up so she could see the truth in the statement.

Emily reached over and pulled the woman in for a gentle lingering kiss, "I know and I'm truly grateful for that." She pulled away and stood up, "I want to go and take a hot bath."

JJ stood up and picked up her glass, "I'll clean up down here while..." she was interrupted by a hand taking hers. Looking up into brown eyes there wasn't any doubt as she put the glass in her hand down on the table and followed Emily into the bedroom then into the bathroom.

They undressed in silence then Emily lighted candles and turned out the overhead light giving the room a glow of calm and safety. JJ took the lead by stepping into the hot water and extended a hand to the woman. She wanted Emily in front of her so she could hold her to her chest. She wanted her to know that she was absolutely okay and had no reservations with bathing together.

Emily smiled into the reflection of herself in the glass of the plane. She almost felt the warmth of the water around her and her body tingled of remembered butterfly kisses to her shoulders by JJ. That was the first of many warm baths together. They dried off and made their way to the bedroom. The friendship was slowly blossoming into something more but neither one was willing to rush it into lovers yet. They were just enjoying the closeness of being there for each other. Emily remembered with a warm longing smile and wished for those moments again.

She looked at her watch wondering how much longer it would be before they landed in London. She grimaced when she saw that only another hour had passed since the last time she looked. If things continued in the order they were going she knew what the next few frames were going to be... The time Pen had gotten shot. She wasn't for sure she was ready for that memory yet. It was the most intense time in her life but the flight was still in the air and she still had the letter in her hand. She couldn't fight fate that was beckoning from the waters below her and the horizon before her. So she accepted the fate and laid her head once again on the glass.

* * *

 **Five more hours for our Emily on this flight.**


	4. Chapter 4

***Okay as always I own nothing of Criminal minds I just get the privilege of playing with the characters for a while.**

Emily closed her eyes trying to settle her emotions knowing the memory that was coming was both the best one and worst one of her life. She walked into a D.C. hospital waiting room. Hotch and JJ were already there and Reid and Rossi were just behind her. She had gotten there as fast as she could when JJ had called her letting her know that Penelope had been shot.

"He isn't answering. Where is he?" was the question being asked as she sat down next to JJ who had just made an atmosphere around herself. She looked at the woman sitting beside her and her heart rose up to her throat as she saw the worry in the woman's posture. She wondered how to penetrate the wall that the young agent had thrown up. She did the only thing that came to mind...physical contact. She reached over and squeezed JJ's wrist requesting her hand to hold. That finally moved the mountain to Mohamed. JJ responded by turning her hand and clutching the woman's.

Emily immediately felt the turmoil within the woman she was falling in love with. Not that she wasn't in turmoil herself over Pen being shot but she knew it was killing JJ and she wanted to be there for her. She knew they would catch the bastard who shot their friend, there was no doubt in her mind about that. She had lost friends to unsubs before but JJ was still so young to her job and after all the issues she had with Reid being kidnapped she knew that the woman was just putting on a good poker face at the moment. They sat there for over an hour just holding each others hands and waiting for news of Pen's fate.

She came back to the present and looked at her hand. The same hand that Jennifer had held for so long and she missed the contact. Even with so many years, unsubs, and miles behind the memory she still remembered the feeling around their first public display of affection. That memory always reduced her to a bumbling teenager with her first crush with all sweaty palms and everything. She wiped her hand on her jeans as yes even at that moment her hand had begun to sweat.

She looked at the letter in her other hand, "Vampires don't sweat Jennifer," she said like the letter was a direct link to the other woman's ear. She smiled knowing she probably looked totally insane talking to the air. This made her glad for the private jet, not as many eyes to see how crazy she really was. She did however look around the plane once before going back into the memory...just encase her paranoia was warranted. No one seem to be paying her any attention at the moment so she dissolved back into the memory...just fast forward a bit.

"I didn't even blink." She heard JJ say to Pen after she shot and killed the man who had shot her best friend. It was at that moment Emily knew she would be going to JJ's house to make sure she was okay. She heard all the woman's protest of "I'm fine" but knew the ruse too well. She gave the woman her space at work and let her pull the wool over the rest of the teams' eyes. But she was remembering a night that those same blue eyes lying right now were baring down into her on eyes with wild fear after shooting three dogs trying to save her own life. She could only imagine what shooting a human would cause in the woman.

She felt a surprise drop by might be in order. It was only fair after JJ had done the same for her just months earlier she thought as she got out of the car. She wasn't as bold though taking her go bag with her. She decided to let her friend make that call as she rang the door bell.

"Em...What are you doing here?"

"Well..." She looked around the porch nervously, "I was concerned."

"I told you I was fine..." She said in a huff.

"Okay then I'll..." Emily felt stupid and rejected and started to walk away.

"No Em...come in I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"My manors...I guess I am not as fine as I think I am. Can I get you a glass of wine or something?"

"That would be nice but I can go if you want me too."

"No...I want you to stay," was said firmly.

Somehow Emily wasn't so sure her statement was truthful. "Have I done something wrong JJ?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well we haven't really gotten to talk about the last time you came over my house and I'm now concerned..."

"Emily sit down..." she told the woman handing her a glass of wine. "I've just been out of town a lot lately and we haven't had time to talk is all."

Emily took a drink of the wine hoping it would calm her nerves at the moment before she asked the million dollar question rolling in her mind and heart at the moment. "Are you okay with us Jennifer?"

JJ looked at the woman and took her wine from her hand and placed it on the table. She then leaned in and caught Emily's lips in a searing kiss as a way of answering the question. It wasn't until the next morning that Emily would realize the kiss was a deflection not an answer to her question.

When they broke apart for air JJ started unbuttoning her shirt. "Jennifer?" Was spoken as a question wanting to know if the woman was sure of her actions.

"Shhh..." was the only answer as the front of Emily's shirt was totally unbuttoned and parted exposing her skin. JJ moaned and bent down and started kissing her way up the woman's stomach until she came to the cleavage that had begun heaving up with the in filling of Emily's lungs. "You are beautiful." Emily was speechless except for pleasureful moans that would escape her lips ever now and then. JJ looked up into her eyes and Emily saw no fear in the blue eyes before her but pure desire. She wasn't for sure which one was more intense...fear or desire. JJ took her hand and lead them to her bedroom.

Emily pulled out of the memory when she noticed the tear that had flung itself on the glass she was leaning against. "Damn..." She thought and ran her hands through her hair trying to reel in all emotions but it was to late. Her body was humming at remembering JJ's lips on the skin of her stomach. "God..." she said aloud under her breath as a shiver went up her spine and the undertow of emotions pulled her back.

They made it to the bed before JJ started undressing her fully. "Jennifer..." was now panted out. A flimsy attempt to slow the progression down.

"Hummm..." was sounded as pants were unzipped and pulled off. She couldn't remember how or when her boots came off her body...maybe at the same time as her pants because the blonde was on a mission so it seemed. It really didn't matter except that Emily was on impulse. Her body was in control and thought turned into reception only. There was no way she was going to be able to stop the tidal wave that JJ was causing in her from coming to shore. After the water crashed and flooded her... she found she was an inferno of desire. It took seconds to capture JJ's lips as she came back up her body and Emily flipped them. She wanted to savior and devour the woman underneath her all at the same time. She pulled JJ's shirt up over her head taking her bra with it. She paused once the shirt was off as she realized she had permission to touch, taste, and activate all the wonder feelings she had wanted to in the woman for months. The volcano erupted and there was no bottling the lust coursing through her veins she wanted every inch of this woman.

Emily had to take a deep breath in and shake her head clearing the memory somewhat. She had barley stopped herself from moaning out the same pleasure she had at that exact moment years ago. God she loved looking at Jennifer's yielded body beneath her...waiting her touch and kisses. The woman was a drug to her...one that she was addicted too even in memory. She got up and went to the restroom again, this time to wash her face with cold water to calm her inflamed body.

She knew that really all she had to do was allow the memory of the next morning to surface and her body would grow cold on it's own but she wasn't ready for the pleasure of the heat to totally subside yet. It felt so good to be alive again and on fire with desire for JJ. "Maybe she is right...maybe I am a Vampire only able to be warmed by another's love?" She thought then looked at her watch which told her that in three and a half hours the torture would end for she would be an ocean away from the shadows hopefully.

* * *

 **Happy Thanks giving.**


	5. Chapter 5

***Okay as always I own nothing of Criminal minds I just get the privilege of playing with the characters for a while.**

Emily came to her seat after delaying the inevitable long enough. It was time for the memory that pains her till this day. She moved around in her seat getting as comfortable as she could for the most painful memory of her life. With a deep sigh she leaned against the window for the show started again.

"Good morning..." was said together as kisses ensued.

"Why don't you go and take your shower first and I'll make us some breakfast." JJ said as she smiled and kissed the woman again.

"Trying to spoil me now aren't you?"

"No if I was going to do that I would get in the shower with you." She said with a sultry voice.

"I think I would prefer that, food is optional with choices like that."

"Yeah but we wouldn't make it to the debriefing on time and there would be talk."

"Well there is that." Emily said dejectedly but smiled.

"I'll get your go bag from your car and bring it up here. I would hate for you to have to do the walk of shame." She said smiling. "Morgan and Garcia are just brutal when it comes to it."

"For you I would gladly take it." She said as they both got up to do their task.

Emily had started the warm water and stepped into the spray. She got lost in her thoughts of the night before. She loved how JJ's body responded to her touch and all the sounds and looks of pleasure that were. It was a perfect night except for her one slip up she thought. She had gotten so caught up at JJ release that the words "I love you" had slipped past her lips before she could reel them back in.

They hadn't been reciprocated but she gave thought maybe they weren't heard in the moment or maybe it was too soon for JJ to express them. As the water poured over her skin she decided to just be patient. After all she was the one who started the whole physical moment last night, surely she felt the same way too.

Emily pulled out of the memory wiping her eyes. She had to gain control right then before tears became sobs soon. "You stupid naive old woman." She thought chiding herself again just like every other time her mind wondered back to this place in her life. Leaning back over needing to get the pain over with she allowed the shadows to pull her away to the dark.

"Will...I said I'll be there this weekend."

"No...nothings wrong other than my best friend being shot."

"No...there isn't another man. Stop being so paranoid."

"I love you too...now I got to go." She said as she ended the call and turned and saw Emily standing in the doorway. "Em..."

"I got to go. I'll see you at the debrief." Was all she could find to say as the proverbial knife was twisted in her chest.

"Em...wait!" But it was too late she was already heading out the door when JJ registered that the woman was running from her.

Emily pulled out of the memory again. She was cold and truly felt as dead as the vampire she had been called. She shook her head and was amazed that she was able to lock that moment in a Pandora's box and still work with the woman. She guessed it helped that months later JJ was pregnant with the man's child. She knew she had made the right decision to push her away from herself and towards him at least he could give her what she couldn't...a child. It was for the best...she always reasoned with the shadows but they never listened it seemed.

She looked at her watch and it had only been thirty minutes more. "God...the pain of thirty minutes that had lasted a life time." She said in a whisper. But the flight wasn't over nor were the shadows visit. She sighed deeply and surrendered again to their voices.

* * *

 **Some shadows are painful and hard to write. Sorry for the delay...more soon.**


	6. Chapter 6

***Okay as always I own nothing of Criminal minds I just get the privilege of playing with the characters for a while.**

The shadows pulled her into a memory of driving home after being beaten by a religious narcissist. Her face hurt where she had take a couple of direct blows. She was just glad that JJ had went home and didn't stay for the debrief. She couldn't take the sad looks and she knew she saw her wiping at tears once on the plane ride back. She had to deflect that the tears had to be for Reid since the woman was very pregnant with Will's baby. It didn't hurt as much it seemed to say she was crying for Reid.

She wanted to get home and have a drink with a hot bath and not think for at least eight hours. She pulled into her condo and did a glance around. This case would have been one of those cases just a few months ago that would have had JJ waiting on her return. She had mixed emotions not seeing the woman's car in the lot. She was glad there wouldn't be anymore drama but also was sad at not having the warmth to hold and wash the ugliness of the day away.

She made it up to the condo with her go bag. She really was in pain from the blows to her ribs but she would never admit it to anyone. She unlocked the door and sat her bag down and started to turn the alarm off but it wasn't on. She looked at the control pad and pulled her gun and started walking slowly sweeping the rooms as she went. The living room was dark but the lights from the mall gave it enough light that she would be able to clear the room without blinding herself.

"Are you going to shoot me Emily?"

"JJ?"

"Who else has a key to your condo and knows the alarm code?"

"No one." Was said with a grumpy tone as she pulled her holster off her belt and secured the gun. "What are you doing here?"

"Checking on you."

"I'm fine." She said as she went back down the hall and got her go bag to take up stairs. She needed a moment to gather herself and get her heart rate back down.

"Emily..."

"What?" The woman asked as she came back into view.

"Talk to me...Please!"

"Talk..." She blew out a breath, "...what do you want to talk about JJ?"

"How about how you are feeling?"

"Truthfully?"

"Yes..."

"I feel like I've been beaten. I want to go and take a hot bath while drinking a glass of wine and then pass out. Now if you will excuse me." She started to take the stairs.

"Your bath has been run and the glass of wine is on the counter. When you are done I'll be right here waiting on you even if it's tomorrow morning when that happens."

"Don't you have a boyfriend to go home too." She said knowing it was a low blow but she was hurting both physically and emotionally.

"No...he is in New Orleans right now."

"So what am I JJ...a fill in?" She said coming back down the stairs and around the couch to face the woman.

"No...you have never been a fill in."

"Then what am I JJ... because that's what it fills like."

"You..." She said getting up and walking over to the woman, "...are larger than life."

Emily was having trouble breathing with the woman so close. "What is that suppose to mean? One moment I'm in the shower fussing at myself for telling you I loved you when we made love, the next I'm hearing you tell Will you love him. That's not larger than life JJ...that's called rejection." She said as she turned and went up the stairs.

She raised her head and ran her hands through her hair. "What a tangled web my beautiful Jennifer." She said pulling out of the memory for a moment. She looked at the note read it saying the last line out loud for her ears to here. " _I'm right here waiting for you just beyond that horizon you always ask answers of."_

"You always wait don't you?" She said as she went back into the memory.

Just like the woman down stairs had promised her bath and wine were waiting on her. Afterwards she didn't have the courage or strength to go and see if JJ was still down stairs. Truthfully she knew she was. She knew that she would go down those stairs in the mourning and JJ would be sitting on the same end looking up the stairs for her to come down. She pulled her phone out and fought with herself but finally couldn't bare the thought of JJ sleeping on her couch getting knots in her back so she text her.

 _"I know you plan on sitting there till I come back down. You are stubborn that way.I'm tired and I do not want to talk. Come up stairs and sleep so you don't get muscle spasms in your back."_

It took a few moments but she heard footsteps on the stairs then her door opened slowly, "Are you planning to sleep in here too?"

"Normally I wouldn't given the situation but neither of our conditions warrant the use of my couch." She said as she crawled under her sheets and turned her side of lights off. JJ took her go bag that was hidden down stairs and got ready for bed. Emily laid there with her back to the door. She couldn't bring herself to turn over because she would want to hold the woman when she crawled into bed and that just wasn't possible.

The lights finally went out as the woman slid into bed. The silence was so loud it hurt both of their ears. JJ broke it, "I know it's unfair of me...and I know you are hurting... but..." She couldn't finish the request. Emily breathed in deeply. She knew what was been ask from her. She knew that she was just plain stupid for even considering it. She knew...but damn if her body didn't turn and engulf the woman pulling her into her chest. They both absorbed from each other without words. At the moment it just didn't matter about the rest. They both were hurting and needed the warmth of each other.

Emily came out of the memory. "I still need your warmth." She whispered as a cold chill ran up her spine. She looked at her watch, two and a half more hours left. She started to just take her watch off but it wouldn't do any good. She would just look at her cell phone and that was just to plain dangerous to even contemplate. Jennifer's phone number was speed dial number 5. That was just to close for her thumb to slip and hit.

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 **Now I know it's been rough lately but I started this story in a certain style...from a reflection by one person. I can't do like I normally do with other's perspectives to lessen the pain. This is Emily's process and we be the silent journey people with her.**


	7. Chapter 7

**I ask you my faith riders not to be upset with me. I realized that this story was really the sequel to "Whispers of Wind" and that the sequel to this one will be the "Writing on the Wall." I have fixed the descriptions in the summaries. Sometimes I get an idea and take off with it when I should let it settle and see where it fits.**

 ***Okay as always I own nothing of Criminal minds I just get the privilege of playing with the characters for a while.**

 **m**

Emily laid her head against the glass again waiting the darkness of memory to engulf her. It didn't take long as she almost could feel the butterfly kisses to her lips. She had awoken to blue eyes looking into hers.

"What are you doing?"

"Saying good morning."

"JJ..."

"Emily...we need to talk."

"What's there to talk about?" She said in a small voice that she hated but gave herself a break since the woman did attack her before coffee.

"Really? We made passionate love and you told me that you loved me and there isn't anything to talk about?"

"You are leaving out the part where I came down stairs and heard you telling someone else that you loved them. I believe that speaks for itself." She said as she started to get up but was caught around the waist and held.

"You heard me telling Will that to calm him down. He could tell in my voice that I was conflicted and was thinking about stopping our casual dating but didn't want to do it over the phone."

"But you didn't stop it."

"No I didn't but I was trying to understand myself and this attraction I have to you. Then you basically told me to piss off in Miami so I stopped thinking about us for a whole week and that's when I got pregnant."

"So you are saying this is all my fault?"

"No...I'm saying I'm in love with you too but I'm a coward and can't see myself living a gay life. Especially now raising a child."

"Then why in the hell are you here then?" She said looking at the woman, "Is it your intention to torture me because I love you?"

JJ reached up and wiped a tear from Emily's cheek that the woman didn't even know had escaped. "No...I'm here to check on you and to tell you my heart. When you were being beat by that maniac I heard every blow and sound." She paused a moment trying to get her stomach out of her throat again so she could speak. "I love you Emily and I almost lost you." She said as the sobs started from deep within her being. Emily pulled the crying woman into her chest. She couldn't stop the tears from pouring out of her eyes either. She just didn't have any immunity for this woman. Any other person would not be there but she couldn't take the woman in pain. After several moments they pulled back from each other. "What do we do now?" She asked Emily since she was at a loss.

"Well you don't want a gay life style and this hurts way too much. Let's be close friends for awhile."

"Can close friends hold each other at least every now and then?"

"Not for awhile JJ but in time." Emily said with every ounce of strength she had. She wanted to say yes whenever or where ever but she had to heal. She knew it wasn't good for them but how do you stop the heart from loving?

She pulled out of the memory with a shutter. That was the last time she held the woman in that way until Paris. She wasn't for sure if she was ready for those memories just yet. They were the hardest because for just a few days, hours, and moments she got to glimpse the fulfillment of love's shadows. She alone was JJ's lover and only thought. But you can make exceptions she guessed when you know the other person is going to die.

But she didn't die...she was kept alive by the beating pulse of words of love and hope written on a scrabble board. Then resurrected back to her former life only to be pushed back into a refrigerated box for safe keeping. Then she did the hardest thing she ever had to do. She left the past and her heart behind so she could breath without the pain.

Yet the shadows called from the oceans beyond and she had flown half way around the world once again to find and rescue this woman that made her heart beat. She held the note that was placed in her coat that evening. It wasn't until the plane ride home that she had found it. Now she held it in her hand as the torturous words again haunted her memory.

"I knew you would come."

It had taken months for those words to quit showing up in her dreams. How could she return to her past life? She tried it from the dead and it was too painful. She looked at her watch hoping it would say "soon."

"They will be gone soon."

Then she could take and store the letter with Pen's poem. She had a life now in London and of all things a boyfriend. Well a companion, if the truth be told. She knew that he saw he would never fully have her heart but she tried. She felt really bad about it but she also knew that she was a rebound relationship for him as well. Those never lasted but it was nice for the moment to be the one and only for someone.

She laid her head one final time against the glass and thought about the poem Pen had sent her. She knew that the woman knew about her and JJ's relationship but she also knew that JJ hadn't told her the depth of it all. She was amazed that the woman found an exact poem that painted their relationship so closely. She took in a deep breath and blew it out,"Pen...I'm not ready for the writing on the wall yet but I think it's close. It's getting so hard without her." She said as the fasten your seat belt sign come on relieving her for the moment of the shadow's visit.

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 **Thank you for reading...**

 **Now that I have my head on straight...not really...I suggest rereading "Writing on the Wall." I have another chapter of that part almost ready to put up but never could do it. Now I understand why. I just didn't realize this was going to be a now piece of Emily's return to the B.A.U.**


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